Saturday, January 11, 2020

Honoring the Season -- Manhattan Moment & an Award

[Dec 13, 2019]

Honoring the season…this is what rises for me as I lean into a bit of writing for me. So much has happened in the last four weeks that I struggle to slow down enough to listen to my life, become more deeply conscious of the gifts all around me. Paris was a bit of that amped-up-pace. Brian and I walked 8-10 miles a day, loving it, body fine, exploring and receiving the sights of the City of Light. I was so very blessed to have that extended time with him—a rarity in his life as a pastor—and it was shyly unfamiliar too. We traveled well together and enjoyed who we are becoming, each of us and both of us together. The week of return had three big ‘happenings’ which kept me at the amped-up pace, with great blessing received, in the end.

Deep breath. Pause. Another deep breath. Listening to Tony here at Wholly Grounds, sharing his voice with his friends, companions in the business of it all. Amy quietly making her coffee drinks for customers, smiling and gentle presence for all. I can feel my hunger rising, having forgotten to bring my breakfast snack for post-workout recovery. And my latte with unsweetened coconut milk is delightful, luscious. Not too sweet…

…which is quite different from the Manhattan moment of last night. Funny thing I’ve already shared with my CF family, but…I refused a drink I simply presumed was made poorly. Had the bartender make it twice, standing up for myself, what I desire. Only to realize that he had made it perfectly, normally, both times. My palette is the thing that was different this time. I don’t like Manhattans anymore, it seems! Too sweet. I insisted on paying for both, though I did not drink both. Costly ‘mistake’ which has amused me ever since.

Probably the biggest celebration for me came the night of the CrossFit holiday party, with our silly and serious Superlatives awards. Who is voted to take the most bathroom breaks? Who wins the warmup the most? Most progress? Most mischievous? It was fun suggesting categories for these, and it was fun to vote for various CF friends from across classes. I was not remotely prepared to win an award, however. I’ve never won an award, really, let alone an athletic one in my 50th year. CrossFit Dedication Athlete of the Year? I was touched, stunned, embarrassed (because I’m me, unused to spotlight moments), and deeply grateful. My body journey has been so convoluted, complicated, shame-ridden, self-defeating at times…so to be seen by my CrossFit family in this way…? Speechless and thankful…more than I could ever say.

I’m learning to push through my inherited voices about meat too! At least once a week, I pan-sear and roast a rib-eye steak just for myself, with some eggs usually. It offers a high-protein, lower-carb day for myself, and I’m getting used to feeling worth the effort and special occasion that steak used to be for me. I like having ‘special occasion’ moments for my bodyself like this each week. Steadies something in me.

So…time for breakfast, which is now lunch. A good and blessed season…I am more thankful than I could say.

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