I do
believe I am finally at home, in body as well as mind/work. It's been a fascinating several days, complete with food-tourism and now the welcome
return to what I know and need. I want to take a ‘snap-shot’ of another sort
here, a look at how well I know what I need and what gifts can arrive in
the hospitality of others on an adventure-journey to Brazil.
I arrived
home at 10:30 p.m., after a long drive from the airport and a round of the city
to get here. I fall into my own bed, freshly showered and relieved “to have
made it” by 11:30 p.m. The morning rhythm beckoned, a need for the 'familiar-friends-energies' stronger than my body’s need for rest. Or maybe my body’s need for
movement-rest in the welcoming-familiar spaces I get to play in these days. Today
has been about continuing to arrive home, re-acclimating from a short but
intensely full trip to Brasilia, Brazil, home of a writing-sister-friend,
Lorena, and her family, Roberto, Luisa (14), and Sandra (9).
An
important part of the weekend was the food, after all, amidst table-fellowship
and festivities shared together in that way. I entered into the journey with
enough supplies to tend to my eating-choices as I do when I have complete
choice and control. Seedbread for the journey, some avocados that would have
gone bad had I left them at home, macadamia nuts and almonds in single portion
bags, for awareness’s sake, coconut-nut ‘granola’ on-plan and easy to travel
with. Packets of nut-butters too. The airplane food was clearly processed, but
at least they had chicken and a green salad that was ‘close-enough’ for an
adventure. My own resources kept me steady and nourished.
The
arrival into “Brazilian breakfast fare” was the start of the clear ‘food-tourism’
journey with friends. Tapioca flats—a round, tortilla-like bread that you put
butter or cream-cheese on. Jelly if you like. A warm round ‘loaf’ of something
called ‘cous-cous,’ though not as I know it. Cornbread with a marvelous texture
and taste—not too sweet, good crumb to it. And the next morning, the best
papaya I have ever tasted in my life. Fresh, sweet, as it was clearly meant
to be eaten. Proteins and greens not in sight, though I think there was a
container with ham and cheese in it. Some of the best coffee I’ve tasted—rich,
not bitter, smooth.
My
internal dialogue was fascinating. I wanted to be fully present to all that was
available to me. I felt some fear at how my body might not benefit from the
choices available to me. I chose consciously to ‘let go’ into the adventure and
trust what would come. This was with ‘food-tourism’ in mind, releasing the
conscious choices of these last months about carbs and sugar.
It was important
to me to relax into being a guest, in an incredibly hospitable place. It was
also important for me to try foods I’ve never had opportunity to try, just to
enjoy Brazilian culture and customs. There was curiosity alongside the fear – how
would my body respond? Would the hunger patterns of old return? [Yes, they did...
Greater ups and downs with low-blood-sugar moments, and then sugar crashes where
I lost focus and attention… Expectable and yet negotiable, with awareness.]
I won’t
relay the entire buffet of Brazilian food ‘events,’, but the main dishes
included a fish stew (moqueca),
the classic Brazilian feijoada—rice, beans, pig parts, kale,
farofa (farinha prepared for a meal), cilantro, salsa, slices of plantains.
Then the Brazilian Steakhouse—huge veggie selections with ‘wandering meat
minstrels’ offering me as much beef-chicken-pork as I could possible desire…and
then some.
It was impressive. By the fourth day, I simply went with what
appeared before us, knowing the journey was nearing its close.
And...
I felt
like I used to feel regularly—uncomfortable in my skin, bloated, unsure in my
feelings/sensations, even unsteady. The cravings’ patterns returned, making me
more reactive and edgy, fearful even. I yearned to be home where I could choose
for myself without relational host-guest consequence.
I’ve not
even been home for 24 hours yet and I feel so much better, steadier, grounded.
I got to move this morning, familiar yet scaled for a post-airplane-body day.
The grocery was so familiar and welcoming—organic greens of many kinds,
ingredients for curried cauliflower soup and cilantro-lime mayo (in which I
used to double the lime, I recalled! Much tastier with that much zing). Various
meats jumped into my basket, and I returned home to myself with a favorite
breakfast – eggs, finely chopped kale, thick-cut bacon, and ½ avocado. One half
portion of granola or chia porridge with almond butter, if I’m still hungry,
which I usually am. I prepped salads and soups, roasted the brussel sprouts
that would have gone bad if left much longer.
Now I sit
here on my couch, Nala sleeping next to me, finally feeling more myself than I
have in the last 3-4 days. I’m glad for everything I got to taste, to
experience, to learn in my travel to a continent and country I had never been
to before. And I am glad to return home, BE in my skin as I now know to be,
smiling into the moments before me with CF peeps, family, friends, and a
calming, steadying way to feel good in my own body again. A bit of a list poem says more...
The Healthy Pleasures of Home
Bear
hugs at the airport
Debrief
of all our travels,
each in
his/her own language(s)
The
warmth of a canine welcome,
Nala lap-napping
on the car ride home
Deep
sense of connection
with
those now far away again,
A yearning
to remain-with,
a
yearning to be returned Home.
Hot
showers after multiple airports
Sleeping
in one’s very own bed,
Companioned
with life-partner love
Early
morning movement
with
fitness-focused friends
[Including
stories of fish-nibbling pedicures
(who does
that anyway? 😁)]
Return
to body-familiar activity,
Jungle-gym
play in welcoming safe space
A variety
of warm-up, workout, memory:
Oxygen
in, carbon-dioxide out
Prayer
of another sort.
Familiar
grocery stores and food labels
Greens
and more greens—
kale,
asparagus, avocado, zucchini and more
“Good
morning, beautiful” in my ear
Brazilian
coffee and breakfast anticipations
A home
in the Shire, really,
With soft
edges and necessary rhythms
Of presence,
absence, friendship & solitude
Prayer
of another sort.
Food
preparations that make a body smile
Kale—two
kinds—and curried cauliflower soup
Three
pepper salad, to make use of what-is
Bacon,
brussel sprouts, chia porridge,
Another batch
of cilantro lime mayo
(Double the
lime) after a favorite breakfast
Familiar
tastes, pleasure in feeling good again
Prayer
of another sort.
None of
these things makes a home
All of
them welcome me fully, blessedly, Home.
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