Size, Fitness, and Sighs...Oh My

Think bigger than a smaller pair of pants. (Christine d’Ercole)

I was struck by this catchy aphorism this week, purchasing my first pair of jeans in a very long while. For the last, oh, I don’t know, 5-7 years, I have consciously chosen what I call “womb-friendly” pants. I’ve spent most of my life trying to hide my abdomen, out of touch with how amazing a womb is, then I learned the power hidden there for my own groundedness, self-cherishing. So finding “womb-friendly” clothes was a step in honoring the comfort of my body and prioritizing that instead of trying to minimize or hide. I still catch myself hiding my middle, of course. Decades of habit. But I’ve relished the blood-mysteries my body participated in for decades, even as I now relish the beyond of those specific mysteries. 


Going on a “women’s fast” mountain listening journey soon, I realized I don’t have any jeans. At all. I’ve worn capris or black/colored leggings for so long, jeans were unnecessary. Hoping for “womb-friendly” once again, I ordered a size I thought would be roomy. And it is. Except it’s not quite as roomy as I expected, which means my dimensions are larger than I anticipated. 


Enter Christine d’Ercole and her catchy aphorism. (Image from her 2019 FB post, sharing the story with the aphorism)


The jeans’ size is the size I used to wear before CrossFit, so pre-2018, when I was probably the heaviest I had ever been. A dear friend did some good “women-listening-mirroring” with me about it at that time, and I landed in a deep appreciation of all my body could do, even at the heaviest weight I had ever been. I landed into CrossFit and into a conscious-health journey, with great changes in body-composition, eating habits, love of activity, movement. And that number on the scale took on a significance as “unconscious” and “overweight.” In the past.


Scale numbers and jeans sizes. Always aiming for smaller.


Yet I also know I am the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been, with statistical evidence for my claim. My Whoop band confirms it with its metrics. My stats in the CrossFit journey are good maintenance ones–not a PR every lift, but a good “high-range, staying close” kind of statistic for me. I am in love with the activity-life I get to lead–CrossFit, Peloton, nature-preserve walks with my family, a run from time to time. My weight is higher and my body-composition is changing, yet I know I am maintaining fitness in substantial ways. Well, health, in precise CrossFit terms. Fitness is a bit beyond my bell-curve. :)


I’m also in a really good clean-eating, moderation-lively way of eating, with less booze, monitored carbs, higher protein, moderate fat intake. Lots of greens alongside small amounts of things I love–nut butters, whole grain bread or rice, fruits. Tracking most days helps me relax and calm the inner critical voices. So be it.


A post-menopausal woman’s body changes composition, so I learn, even as I maintain a high-activity life-style. So now the invitation is to practice cherishing how I am as I go. The jeans will protect me from critters that could easily bite me through a skin-close legging, so body-cherishing jeans they will be. I even liked how I looked in jeans again.


Notes for the journey, I guess.


Enjoy the movement.

Love your body as you would your closest friend/intimate partner.

Fuel cleanly but with variety and desire honored.


Think bigger than a smaller pair of pants.

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