Seasoned ReBeginnings--Taking It All in Stride

I thought I was done with CrossFit. Maybe I eventually will be, but for now, CrossFit with a bit more self-critique or a bit more corporate-suspicion will do for now. Or perhaps I’m simply a bit more seasoned, with less grief and more realism about what my body needs, what I’m actually looking for. My “embodied dedication at midlife” journey tarries ever onward, given I know how much my whole being thrives within it. After a foolishly distracted deadlift, leaving me with a forced-pause from November 20th til nearly the New Year, my husband has teased me: "You need to be in a coached environment," he said with a wry smile. He might be right (but for heaven's sake, don't tell him that. :))

I find myself three weeks into a new CrossFit ‘box’ rhythm–Centerville CrossFit–supplemented by a community-center gym membership (Kroc Center) and the occasional long-walk at the more local Rec-Center indoor track. The box is about the same-time-drive as my previous one, just highway not suburban driving. Given the “forced pause” beginning November 20th, I’ve had a lot of time to slow down, to throw a monkey-wrench of sorts into the highly-mentally-disciplined habits of the last six years, ever since my CrossFit journey began in August 2018. 

Grief at the loss of my original ‘box’ rarely arises anymore and I can smile easily with the pictures of those beloved years still in my iPhone Photos app. The felt-mis-fitness at what I’m now thinking of as my “interim box” has waned amidst these last months, leaving me to remember fondly what I remember fondly and release all the rest. I smiled at a Bombers’ member FB post the other day, delighted to see one of the “young-turks” into a relationship touted in true generational FB fashion. That membership was a casualty of election-grief and rage, but I can now see it was always going to be temporary. I didn’t enter fully for a long time, given my previous ‘box’, and so I never really put down roots. Loved the coaching, of course, but…

This month, I find myself gently re-beginning in pursuit of new baselines, feeling my way into weekly rhythms of CF WODs, interspersed much more (for right now) with long walks and gentle mobility sessions, gentler movement patterns I can control with my “body of the day,” meaning back comfort(s), sensations of the new “enough.” I’m thrilled with the return to familiar movements, aware of how much I’ve learned still quite present within my cells/muscles. It’s easier mentally to stay with way-scaled weight and rep-counts, feeling my way each and every day. The gentle contact with others in this new box feels a much better fit for me, with opportunities to get involved in a variety of mission-project-community things. Plus, I don’t have such huge expectations as I did before. I know much more why I’m there, what matters to me or what is in alignment with me now. It’s easier for me to be there, and therefore, probably for others to encounter me as I am.

The box is starting a health-and-habits program February 10th, which felt an easy “yes,” both for learning how they approach nutrition-re-education and being with whomever I get to learn for the eight weeks of it all. Our next Caribbean cruise falls right in the middle of it, of course–Feb 16-Feb 28th–but just taking that in stride. Maybe that’s the best phrase for this rebeginning: taking it in stride. My goals no longer require immediate tracking, nor am I uber-focused on changing my food habits of the moment. The CF 100-words feels a fit, nutrition-wise: Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. I continue to emphasize protein-intake, increased veggies intake, as little starch as I can manage, as little refined sugar as I can manage as well. The largest focus is heightened movement and activity, 5-6 times/week, with 85-90% nutrition consciousness. Given how obsessive I can become, this is a big deal for me to love, be and move in the body I actually have.

And I’ve decided to forgo the Open this year, at least for now. I loved hearing the community-oriented plans CCF has for those weekends, so I’m ALL IN for those. But the summer-grief remains a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ve not turned on Wodapalooza today, which is a change for me too. Something about seeing it from this distance still jars the summer tragedy and (mis?)management of all that. I’d rather read Outlander novels and watch the new Julia show on Max/HBO–Julia Child and her first-season of the French Chef on public television.

Tonight, I’ll dip into the Building Bridges gathering at 6:30 p.m., having heard about it from one of the coaches, Josh, who spear-heads it a bit. A good rebeginning, with curiosity about new rhythms, new opportunities, old loves of CrossFit wisdom(s). And wow am I care-full now in listening to my back, slowly re-building my core-muscles, abs. I had no idea how central my back is to everything! Lesson learned. (I hope).